A few days ago, Philadelphia-based fashion and culture bloggers Tom and Lorenzo posted a challenge to their readers on Twitter. I’ve been reading their blog for years and I’ve learned a lot from them. They asked their readers to take our blogs up again or start one if we’ve been meaning to. The world needs distraction content in days of social distancing, they said, and I think they’re right. So I thought I’d post more. This’ll give me a chance to write about things I probably wouldn’t have before – I’ve always considered that blogging as infrequently as I do meant I had to write more substantive posts. Well, not anymore!
Social Distancing Installment One: Wine-related PR
Over my years in the wine business, wine-related PR has been the gift that keeps on giving. I’m usually vigilant about unsubscribing from mailing lists, but I keep myself on these, even if I have no idea how I got on them in the first place. Not because I’ve ever been convinced to buy something or write to promote whatever it is. But there’s a beauty in the hyperbole of their overreach that’s unmatched in my experience, and I find it irresistible.
Why? Well, basically, wine is a luxury product. We love it, of course. But it’s not the thing that’s cleared out on grocery store shelves in these days of social distancing and staying home. So how do you make it seem like something you can’t live without? The pitches are usually some sort of snob appeal – you’re the kind of person who will appreciate this for its age/expensiveness/tradition/environmental consciousness/pure naturalness, aren’t you? Or, the opposite, something like you’d imagine the way a dog thinks: gosh isn’t it fun to drink wine? Let’s make it even more fun! Isn’t it fun? Really, isn’t it fun?
The latest pitch leaned into the dog thought bubble. It’s for the Sipski, which is a self-hanging bracket you can put in your shower to hold your wine glass. No awkward suction cups or specialty tools required, the miracle-coated silicone back clings to any surface. Isn’t that a relief? Nothing to interfere with the fun! “Bringing Happy Hour to Your Shower,” the copy reads. And better yet, it’s “Part of an entire line of #Drinkintheshower accessories.” Who knows how much fun you’ll have?
Where to start with this? Maybe I’m just getting old, but who thinks it’s a good idea to take a wine glass into the shower, assuming it’s real glass and not plastic? I mean, you could slip and the glass could break and jeez, who knows. Or maybe steam condensing on the glass will make it slippery and you’ll drop it. I guess it’s a good thing that you’re already in soap and water to clean the cuts you’ll get.
My second thought was that I don’t think I spend enough time in there to have wine. And what about the restrictions on water use in California? You mean you’re supposed to squeeze in a glass of wine during your mandated extra-short shower time? How exactly is that supposed to work? I think they’d need to change the name from Sipski to Chugski.
But what it comes down to is, WHY DO YOU NEED TO DRINK WINE IN THE SHOWER? Do you think it’ll improve your shower singing ability? Trust me, it won’t. (And don’t go pretending your wine glass is a microphone, either. That’s just asking for trouble.)
Snark aside, if the shower is the only place you can be by yourself and enjoy a glass of wine — something that could definitely be the case these days — then please, have at it. But for goodness sake, be careful!
See what I mean? So much entertainment. No unsubscribe for me. I can’t wait to see what’s next.